Prompt: Who is your celebrity crush? What do you find appealing about him or her?
A lot of people would probably assume that I will say Avril Lavigne here. I’ve been obsessed with her music since her very first album came out. However, my answer is Mandy Moore. She’s beautiful. She’s talented. She’s wholesome. She has a wonderful smile. I could go on. I’ve also been a fan of Mandy Moore since her very first album. I’ve been a fan of her movies as well. A Walk To Remember is my second favorite movie of all time. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve seen it, but I will gladly watch it over again. I also really love her in This is Us as well. I’ve only seen the first season. I need to catch up on the show.
Prompt: What is the most beautiful thing you’ve ever seen?
I was a cashier at Walmart for about two years. I could tell you how selfish and cruel people can be, but that’s for another blog. Every now and then, I would see some amazing things. People letting people going ahead of them, picking up items other people discarded, etc. There are some that just stick out fully.
One time in particular I will never forget was while I was ringing up this very sweet woman. She was going through many personal things. We were chatting about it while I was ringing up her items. If I wasn’t worried about getting in trouble, I would have hugged her. She was such a strong woman. After I got done with ringing everything up, she started looking through her purse for her wallet. She couldn’t find it at all. She was becoming frantic and almost in tears.
I was about to offer to put her stuff aside so she could go to the car and see if the wallet was there when the person behind her offered to pay for hers. Apparently she had heard the woman’s story and thought it was the least she could do. So, I went ahead and rang up the other lady’s things and she paid for it all. They hugged and the first woman thanked the other woman. It showed me that there were still good and compassionate people in the world.
Make up an alter ego for yourself. Give him or her a name, and then describe his or her qualities, looks, etc.
Name: Arabella Blue Qualities: Go Getter Looks: 5’3, Black hair (shoulder length), Hazel Eyes, Plump, Likes darker clothing
Arabella is just openly done with the world. She’s done with the bill collectors that just won’t stop coming after her. She’s tired of the men that keep trying to get with her even though she’s told them many times that she’s gay. She’s tired of the best friend that keeps stabbing her in the back and thinking she can get away with it. The only thing that she’s missing in life is who she is. She feels she can’t move forward with life until she can figure that out. She’s also tired of being tired of all the time and wants to break free from the norm.
Our first kiss. I remember being so nervous that I completely blew the first try. I was so worried. I just knew that once we kissed I would know that she felt nothing for me. Nothing at all. I knew that my heart would break. Don’t get me wrong. I knew I would heal, but I was afraid.
I left for awhile. To clear my head. Wound up having a drink with some friends. I went back to her that night. I fully intended to go to sleep. Instead, we wound up talking and I kissed her. I went on impulse. I didn’t even think about it. I felt heat in every single inch of my body. I couldn’t think or breathe. I knew in that moment that I had never felt anything like this before. I knew that my world was changed forever.
My greatest dream in life is to make a career out of supporting and promoting authors. They spend so much time and energy writing words for us devoted book lovers to read. To cry over. To laugh with. The least we can do is promote them. The only reason I even want to earn a living doing it is so that I can pay bills while I devote all of my time giving them the support they need. There are a handful of authors who I would seriously be an assistant they need in any way they need it if I had the time to cater to them. I also dream of narrating books. I think it would be something I could really enjoy.
Write a list of the things you love about yourself.
I chose this one because I know I can bring myself down a lot. I’m trying to be better about that. I have an inspirational muse behind that. She knows who she is.
I love my sense of humor. Not everybody gets it. Sometimes that gets a little disappointing, but I still love it.
I love my compassion. Anything I set out to do, I put my all into. Romance, friendship, reading. I could go on.
Loyal. I am always loyal to those I care about. Sometimes to a fault.
My eyes. One of my best features is my eyes. I feel like they are very expressive. I’d like to think they can express things I am sometimes unable to with my voice.
My singing voice. I’m still too shy to sing in public, but I have a decent voice. I wouldn’t say that I could have ever been a star. I wouldn’t ever be able to perform in a crowd. I believe I can carry a tune though.
I’d love to hear five things you love about yourself!
I never thought that I was meant for true happiness. I thought I was meant to go through the motions. Don’t get me wrong. I was happy. I have had the opportunity to be with some amazing people in my life. They made me happy and the time that I spent with them was meaningful. The problem is that I always knew something was missing. I always felt like I wasn’t giving my all.
To say that I fell for you from the moment I saw you wouldn’t be the truth. I felt a connection. I won’t lie. It just took me a long time to fully piece things together. There were times I found myself nervous and giddy around you. I never felt that before. It scared me. I found myself openly and very obviously flirting with you. I felt like an idiot. Sometimes it made me feel like you thought I was an idiot!
Things didn’t really fully hit me until one night. I felt desire from a single touch. I didn’t know how to react. My whole body locked up. I wanted to run away. I wanted to kiss you. So much. I wanted to just kiss you and get lost in you. All I knew is that I would never go back to how things were for me. I could never pretend to be happy with the comfortable life I was leading.
You turned my entire world upside down. You made me hope for things that I never thought I was meant to experience. You make me want to be a better person. You make me hope and dream. I never thought I would be able to be so open and vocal. About anything. I never thought I would be able to be myself with someone.
I still have my fears and insecurities. It’s a battle I will have to work on every day. You are worth fighting that battle for. I grow closer to you every single day we talk. You amaze me. You humble me. You inspire me. I know that I could fall in love with you if I just let go and let be.
For me, unconditional love is about loving the other person despite everything. It’s being able to accept them for who they are and not expecting them to be something else. It’s being able to sacrifice everything for them without thinking twice. It’s trusting them with your entire life whole heartedly without fear. Unconditional love says in the name that it’s without condition. You love them for who they are and you wouldn’t have them any other way.
The last time I cried was in Savannah. Most of my life, I have went through the motions where certain things are concerned. I observed how couples were and I mirrored it so to speak. I thought something was wrong with me. I thought many horrible thoughts about myself growing up. Things changed for me. I won’t get into the details, but I found that I’m not as emotionally numb as I thought I was. I can feel certain things. So, my last night there I cried. Hard. I cried for finally experiencing something I thought I’d never get to. I cried for losing that moment so quickly. I cried because my whole world was changed forever and there was nothing I could do about it. I just cried. Once I was done, I realized it was the first time I truly cried since my sister died. I feel like this is the first step to recovery. It’s also the first step to finding me and what my heart desires.
When I was nineteen years old, my sister died. She was just fourteen years old. You constantly hear about how short life is. It never really hit me until she was gone. The thought of death and not existing in this world never really struck home for me until then either. Her death and the pain that everybody around me experienced is what kept me from taking my own life. I struggled with that for years before she died. I wanted to give up when she died too, but I didn’t want to put anybody else through the pain they were already going through. Death will take someone when it’s their time. No matter their age or how good of a person they are. The biggest lesson I learned that day is that your heart can still break even though it was absolutely shattered. Even if you didn’t see the point of continuing on.